Happy Fathers Day.....or is it?

Still getting my bearings in a world where Father’s Day feels empty.

The thing about Father’s Day after loss is that it challenges you to think about the fullness of your experiences with your father figure. It challenges you to think about what was important, what wasn’t that deep and what still remained undone or said.

I’m challenged by not being able to grow through seasons of remorse, apology or praise with my father. I can’t say the things I’ve learned, I can’t apologize, I can’t grow through rough times or participate in praise anymore.

Fatherhood in the ABSENCE of a father also challenges how I have come to appreciate PRESENCE. Even in its imperfection, PRESENCE is the goal. You cannot grow, strengthen or develop a child’s relationship with their fathers without their PRESENCE.

Even in his imperfection, I had a dad there steadily present, willing to work out whatever challenges existed.

For my children, I value the same, and it’s a standard that helps me focus on coparenting. I value the impact of men being PRESENT in the lives of their children from day one, and appreciate that- because the impact of that is seen in the way my children know, learn and grow through life. I also see what occurs in the absence of that.

Happy Father’s Day to my dad, who rose to the occasion of raising us as best as he could, and to Timothy White, who has been a present father to his children from the beginning.

You are appreciated.